Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Insatiable ...

I’m not so sure I want this blog to be ONLY about my weight loss journey – because there are many more facets to who and what I am than the number on the scale. As for the weight loss part – I will say I’m 114lbs down in less than 5 months, and I am pleased. My wife is a little over 40 lbs down since her journey began in December.
I’m feeling … rather unsatisfied lately. When it comes to my marriage, I don’t think it’s possible to be any happier than I am right now – and every day that happiness, love and adoration grows to new depths. I’m happy with the strides I’m making with the weight loss – and what I’ve accomplished so far. I’m happy with my life as it stands – the life outside of the 9-5 workday. Sure, we all wish we had a little more dough in the bank account, but I have very little debt and have all of my bills paid early – which is a blessing in this economy. My job is a different story – I’d rather be getting a wire coat hanger vasectomy then walking into my office every day.
My grandmother always told me that my head was in the clouds. I spent days dreaming of what COULD be. My passions are sometimes too big to fit into the picture of my finances or my life now, and that is incredibly frustrating. I want to travel. I want to taste and see and do and feel and experience and LIVE!!! Spending 10 hours a day stuck in a cubicle plugging away at mindless tasks day in and day out – is draining me of my joy. I want to retire in a little vineyard side cottage in Venice or Tuscany … eating gelato for breakfast and watching the sun rise and set from my window. I can hear my Grams now … in my head … GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE CLOUDS!!! But why? Why are my dreams and aspirations SO unrealistic? Why does everything I have passion for seem like it would be easier to step into my closet and end up in Narnia? Why do we live in a time when glittering vampires are more real than having a comfortable retirement and traveling the world?
I’m planning a trip to Italy to take place in 5 years …. The hard part is being able to convince myself to catch my return flight home. May just have to miss that sucker.
I’ve got to find a way to discover my joy in my life. As I said before, I am married to the best woman in the world. My life with her is more than I could have ever imagined a marriage to be. We argue MAYBE once a year … and it’s usually my fault. LOL. Ok … it’s ALWAYS my fault. I just wish I could feel that level of happiness in the rest of my life. I’m feeling the shortness of life as I approach 30 – and there are so many things I want to do.
I need a long lost LOADED relative who I’ve never met to leave me a bazillion dollars. Let’s make that happen.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

HUGE Milestone!!!

Today is the day I lost my 100th pound. I feel absolutely fantastic. My wife is also doing great after her sleeve. She's lost a little over 30lbs so far. I am BEYOND proud of her. Shes feeling great as she navigates different foods and re-learns how to eat. It definitly helps that she has someone whose already walked this road. Together, we can accomplish anything.

Not much to say ... I'm still on cloud 9!!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Sleeved Couple

Just wanted to update everyone ... my wife was sleeved on 12/19. She is doing remarkably well. From the start of the liquid diet, she's dow 24 lbs with 20 of those being in the last 7 days. I'm certain its imoossible for me to be any more proud ofher than I am right now.


Sunday, December 25, 2011


Tis the season of new beginnings. There is an aura of hope in the air. Expectation for something new, shiny and exciting. This is the time when we shake off all the dust and grime from the year before and anxiously step into a new year with hopes of it being the best year yet. This is the time for resolutions, promises and goals. Lose weight, stop smoking, do more for yourself, spend more time with your family … you know the drill. January 1st comes around, and we lay down the cookies, or the cigarettes or whatever the vice is. We may even take the clothes hanging on the treadmill and throw them aside and give that bad boy a whirl. January 6th comes – we hit up McDonalds – maybe buy that pack of Marlboro’s – stating stress, this or that as the reason. By February, January’s hopes are nothing but distant memories.

I can’t help but think how this year will be different for me. Stop smoking? Already did. Lose weight? I’d say 94lbs in 13 weeks is pretty damn good. Check. All of the generic cookie cutter resolutions don’t seem to fit into my plans this year. This year is unlike any other.

I think to my past eating habits, try to remember what it was like to be trapped inside a 409lb cocoon. I remember things like eating in secret. I’d go to Taco Bell and order $15 worth of taco-y goodness – but only through the drive through. Then I’d pull over and eat a little, chuck the wrappers in the trash – then bring the then half empty bag into wherever I was going, so it seemed as if I only ordered 2 or 3 items – instead of the 5 or 6 I actually did. I remember going to restaurants and feeling like all eyes were on the fat guy. I couldn’t help but feel like there was some policy to notify the kitchen when I’d arrive, “All hands on deck! Fatty McFattigan is in the building!!!” I remember what it was to be shamed. To feel unworthy as those who were fit and skinny. I know what it is to feel like I don’t belong somewhere because I was morbidly obese.

I watch now, from the other side, the people like me. The secret eaters, the shameful scarfers, the ones trapped behind layers of tissue – just SCREAMING to get out, but they can’t find their way.

My very existence post op – my fitness – my weight, is for them to see. Look at what I was. Look at what I am. Look at what I will become. YOU TOO can do this. I’m half tempted to glue a sign to my ass ‘Ask me how I lost a whole person off my midsection!!’

What is my New Years Resolution? To love myself. To learn to love this thinning, sagging, HEALTHY heap that I have become. Learn to love every piece of skin – no matter the level of sag. My resolution is to love myself in such a way that has people noticing – and coming to ask ‘How’d you do it?’ My resolution is to save even one life this year by professing the wonders of this tool. My resolution is to be a living and breathing example of what a second chance at life is all about.

Stop smoking? Lose weight? Surface resolutions. We’re changing lives over here.

Friday, December 9, 2011

2.5 months.

I never seem to find the time to update this even though I keep telling myself I will. Ah, good intentions.
Anyway – 2.5 months post op – 85lbs down. I feel healthy and fantastic. I’ve went from a 6o” waist to a 46” in that time. From 4xl PJ pants to a regular ole XL. Fantastic feeling – to be able to go to a place like WalMart and actually find something that fits. Shirts went from a 4xl to a 2xl for the most part. I’ve lost bout 30+ inches. I’m noticing I graze at work throughout the day. It’s nothing unhealthy – usually nuts and dried cranberries, but I don’t want to get into the habit of shoving things in my face throughout the day. My meals seem wholesome thus far. A typical day is egg for breakfast with a slice of cheese, protein shake on the way to work (around noon time), nuts and dried berries munched on until dinner break at 5:00pm – which is usually something protein rich like tuna or something of the sort with a small slice of bread (a flat mini 50 calorie thingy), after dinner between then and the time I go home I’m usually munching on some more mixed nuts/berries and cheese sticks with pepperoni slices. After work, wine is a must have and it’s usually a small snack/micro meal.
Writing it out, it really isn’t all that bad – but I feel like I can have to potential to eat too many nuts. LOL – You won’t hear me saying something like that every day …
I have a bowflex at home I’m cranking out some workouts on and have began to walk/job from time to time. I’m not as motivated to work out as I’d like to be – but I’m working on it. Work has been stressing me out beyond anything – and it seems to be robbing me of my motivation and energy, so I’ve really got to isolate that and get on it.
Sagging … it’s happening. All over. My ass. My inner thighs. My arms. MY ABDOMEN. Saggy McSaggerton here, at your service. I’m certain I’ll be able to take flight at some point with my wing span, like a sugar glider. That may be actually fantastic. I’m not concerned with any area except my stomach. One day, I’d like to take my shirt off at the beach and not feel like I’m wearing a hefty bag of skin – so I’m hoping I can do that myself through exercise and hydration – but I am not opposed to surgery. Time will tell. I have a surgeon in mind here in Florida who I’m planning on getting a few quotes from just for reference, so I know exactly how much in the hole I’ll be when the time comes.
My wife is having her sleeve on 12/19 – and she starts liquids this coming Monday. I can’t even begin to express how excited I am for her! This is going to change her life and her health. She is currently a diabetic – and I know since she is so newly diagnosed, she has about a 95% chance of her diabetes being completely reversed – which is amazing.
This is the best Christmas gift we could have given eachother – the gift of life and love. The gift of knowing that we will be able to be around for eachother even longer than before.
2012 is going to be our best year yet and I’ve never been so excited or felt as accomplished as I do right now.

Monday, November 7, 2011

7 week update...

7 weeks out today - and 70 lbs down. How insane. This has been one hell of an amazing journey.

I returned to work last Tuesday. The first week was very hard. I stayed very tired after only 1/2 of my full shift. Not ideal, but I know it will get better as time goes.

Food wise, I can eat about anything - just obviously not a lot of it. I'm doing ok on protein most days - doing decently on calories 3/4 of the time. My real struggle is drinking enough. I know I am dehydrated, because I'm lucky to get 20oz in - which is not even close to being good, so I've got to work on that.

Life in general is good. I have my life back. I can walk, I can run up the stairs and not get winded. I am off of all prescription medication. High blood pressure: cured. Sleep apnea: cured. High Cholesterol: cured. Depression/Anxiety: cured. I am, for the first time, secure in myself. I feel like I can do anything.

My birthday is 11/9 - and this is the best gift I've ever given myself. No regrets.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

One Month Surgiversary

Well, Wednesday was my 1 month Surgiversary ... on Wednesday, I had a total of 57lbs lost and 20 inches gone. As of today - you can move that 57 up to 60lbs gone total. I'm a little sick, but feeling great when it comes to my stomach. One little downside is I can't swallow large pills. I have a blood disorder that makes me VERY prone to infection. I currently have an infection in a lymph node in my neck ... something I had surgery for in March, but has returned. Doc put me on some hardcore antibiotics ... but in liquid form. I went to CVS to pick up said liquid .... 9 ... as in NINE HUGE bottles (16oz) of liquid antibiotics. 4 teaspoons 2x a day. The flavor isn't bad ... it isn't good, but it isn't bad. It burns a tad though ... like, my esophagus and tummy. It's also a LOT to take in. I use a medicine syringe so I'm not swallowing in a lot ... but it's 4 medicine syringes worth. Bleh. I'm drinking an EAS protein shake right after and it's coating my throat and I'm definitely not feeling like I just swallowed a lava ball. LOL

Now, back to surgery and whatnot. I can eat about anything. I had some Sushi for dinner last night. For some reason the Nori didn't sit right, so I unrolled it and removed the nori, and it went down well. I can't eat it in a bite or two like normal, I cut it into 1/4's and use a fork ... and chew chew chew. Still ... amazing. I don't eat red meat, so I can't attest to that. Most people say red meat is hard on the sleeve. I've tried some chicken. Depending on how it's cooked is that matters. If it's dry ... not even a chance at being a pleasant experience. If it's very moist and soft, it's not bad as long as I chew chew chew. Seems to be the story of my life. LOL.

Long story even longer ... this gift I gave myself ... this surgery ... this fantastic tool, has not only changed my life - but saved it. I am off all prescription meds (other than my gallons of antibiotics). My sleep apnea is about non existent. My wife said I barely snore, and I don't stop breathing in my sleep. For months, I couldn't walk more than a few minutes. Now, I walk circles around my wife. I can grocery shop, walk the mall, anything I want. I can go anywhere. I still have some back pain - but it's a different kind of pain. It's my body having to adjust to the new weight.

I find that my perception of portion sizes has changed. I am AMAZED at how much people eat. I was at the grocery store the other day and saw this family. Mom and Dad were absolutely Huge ... their children - also morbidly obese. Like ... to the 11th degree. As I walked by with my cart of protein shakes, vegetarian 'meat' and tofu - I sneaked a peek at their cart. It was full to the brim with processed garbage. Pizza rolls, chips, cookies, frozen pizzas, frozen lasagna, pop tarts ... My heart began to hurt. I thought, My God ... I used to be them. I used to be as lost as they are. I used to fill my cart with nothing but SHIT. I used to put SHIT in my body and could never come to grips with why my body and my life turned to SHIT. I sat there, in the middle of the store, tears rolling down my face - thanking God for a 2nd chance at life. My prayer was that they, too, have their eyes opened to health before it's too late.

I have never felt so free, so liberated, so in control. I went and applied to take some college courses ... something I'd NEVER do when I was so fat I couldn't walk the campus. I walked all over that campus yesterday - no pain. Up and down stairs, passing by the elevators. This is truly a new beginning. One I am more thankful for than I could ever really express.

Enjoy some before and afters! I know I am enjoying the afters a hell of a lot more than I ever enjoyed the befores!