It's not you … it's me.

So my wife had her first consult with Dr. Bass today, and I was there for moral support for her as she was for me. I had thought last night I might ask if I could move up my surgery by a week since my insurance was approved a little faster than expected ...
 
I didn't sleep all night wondering what the Dr. would say ...
 
Groggy and frazzled, I asked ... and they accepted! My surgery is now scheduled for 9/19!!! I start my liquid diet this Monday ... and I'm ready. I'm nervous about it ... my addiction is suddenly gone in a few days and I've got to face that - but I'm prepared and stoked!!
 
This is the last weekend of 'food freedom' I'll ever have, as I start liquid pre op on Monday. I am approaching this, oddly enough, with mixed feelings. I'm not doubting the surgery or anything, or even doubting my ability to adhere to the strict guidelines - I think it's more that I am beginning to mourn the life long relationship I've had with food. Part of me feels it's HOARD time and to stuff in what I can this weekend ... part of me is ready for Monday to get here already. I've talked it over with my wife and have come to this conclusion ... whatever happens this weekend - it will be guilt free. If I have a little (or a lot) too much of whatever - it's ok. I'm not going to continue the cycle of negativity and self hatred that we all have been used to. Will I drink in excess this weekend ... you bet your sweet ass I will. Will I enjoy one last liason with my illicit love affair with sweet sugary sensations ... perhaps I will, and that's ok.
 
I have never felt more in control. It's no longer a question of IF I'll ever lose this weight. It's now WHEN. I know, come Monday morning - I regain control of my life. I take the reigns back and steer myself in the direction I see myself going in to - and not having to settle on ANYTHING anymore.
 
Good bye, my old love. It's not you ... it's me.