One thing's for sure, nothing makes a person more aware of their weight and their level of fattness than this process for surgery. With Aetna's 3 month hoop jumping, I've never been more aware of my size ... and never been more depressed by it. I think, what in my life allowed me to get this out of control with eating? What part of me shut down reason when the scale stayed on an upward climb? How could I, am man of reason, justify getting this big? The truth is ... I can't.
I stand now, feeling naked in a crowd, and face my embarassment. I lay it all out there. Yes, I am morbidly obese. I am currently the fattest I have ever been. But that's not the end of my story. This is not the end of the road. I've reached a fork ... and not one with a mountain of food on the other end of it. On one side, I have the sleeve ... and health, happiness, all I ever wanted. On the other side, I have food ... every unhealthy and sinfully delicious indulgence I could ever imagine - calling my name. Beckoning me to come closer and have one more bite.
In 20 days, I will leave that all behind, and I can hardly wait. I'm trying to wrap my brain around no longer being a slave to the drive through or no longer being a slave to my stomach. I've been having an illicit love affair with food ... and I've just ended that relationship. I know I'll have never felt more free than I will when I wake up and it's done.
I've been struggling with weekend pigouts ... I can feel myself mindlessly shoveling in the goods ... knowing I'm only giving in to my addiction, and it's my brain's way of hanging on to that ONE MORE BITE ... before it's all over. The first part is admitting there is a problem ... that's the hardest.
Hi. I'm Josh ... and I'm an addict. I've battled in my past with an addiction to cocaine ... and I tell you what, that's much easier to drop than a Big Mac. I've been clean and sober 3 years (in 10 days), and haven't looked back once. I pray I can do the same with food and never look back to where I was.
20 days until the rest of my life begins - bring it on …
Summon all the support you can find. We are all on your side and ready to cheer you on. It will not be easy but nothing worthwhile is handed to us. Have you ever thought of starting a support group? It will be helpful to gather with others who are taking this step and who need the encouragement of others who are doing the same thing.
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